Here lately I have honestly been distant on purpose. Over the past couple of years, I have found myself being separated from people: exes, friends, family, associates for whatever reason. Initially, of course it wasn’t what I was ready for, it sucked lol. As time went on though (here recently) I am now starting to see this space of singleness as something that I truly needed. For the most part I am calm and at peace. I am not sure if I have grown cold ( I hope not) but I honestly haven’t been concerned with whose with me or not with me. Who is speaking to me or who isn’t speaking to me. Who supports me and who doesn’t. Whose a friend, whose not a friend. I have learned to see and treat those simply according to who they show themselves to be to me. Of course there is a balance to everything, so just because someone treats me in a way I don’t like, I can’t hate them, stay mad, or guard myself against other people who want to be in my life(saith the Lord) so, I am also learning how to start making space for new opportunities lol letting those who make effort in.
There were times where being single has gotten to me. As women, we have a mental biological clock that starts to go off making us begin to think no!….WORRY about having children “in time”, getting married “in time”..heck having the “American Dream”. It doesn’t help either when you have family members steady asking “well when….” and “why don’t you..” at every function lol. I am also learning too that my choices, or my life does not need to be explained, I keep trying to keep that in mind..it’s MY LIFE that GOD gave ME. He is the AUTHOR OF TIME and what is mine WILL BE MINE Amen? Amen. This time alone has shown me so much so far. I am learning more and more about myself that I probably wouldn’t know if the same people were still in my space. I am able to think, internalize, and process choices and myself as a woman. I don’t think I am better than anyone but I have come to realize how dope I am. That I am deserving and worth it. A lot of times we are so focused on what is wrong with us, what we still need to conquer and work on that we miss the positive, how far we have come, what HAS CHANGED. I have said this repeatedly on previous posts because it’s very important to see yourself, love on yourself, and motivate yourself. Y’all, I am my biggest fan. I pump myself up to the point that if you didn’t know me, you would probably think I am conceited lol. There’s so much that I love about myself: My laugh, My eyes, cheek bones, smile and lips…basically my face honey. How my energy brings joy to people. How people actually enjoy my company. How transparent I am, my great work ethic..shoot how thick my hair is lol…how independent I am ( wait, I know my place as a woman so try me not! lol) even how more giving I have become this year..anyone who know me KNOW I CAN BE a tad tight lol.
I say all of this to say that if you are reading and you find yourself in a time where you feel alone.. people have walked away from you or vice versa..or you just find yourself in a space where it’s just you.. take advantage of this time. Pray and seek God and ask for answers about you. Tell him what you know you need to work on, how hard it is to do that. Be honest about it. Get to know yourself for you. Go online and look up some “get to know yourself” type of questions and just as a fun activity answer them. Love on yourself. Find something you like to do by trying new things. Let go and let God work on you to become a better you. Give him time ( i’m talking to myself here too) to perform the work in you. I am not at the finish line but I love where this season is taking me! God Bless!