Hey y’all! I know, I know “sis where have you been?!” listen, I been around trying to get myself together just like everyone else. 2021 is here and I am so grateful that I made through that year we will not EVEN mention okay?. I have set new goals but this time, I am doing something different. I wanted to be realistic about my goals for one, and two I wanted to challenge myself to actually go after the goals I set. Setting goals for 2021 as a whole wouldn’t work for me. I know this because I procrastinate. I can see myself now telling myself I have time so, I am setting monthly goals: a financial goal, a spiritual goal as well as natural goals. I am not doing this alone though, I have a good friend that is doing the same thing. We agreed that every month we would sit and go over our goals and where we are with them for accountability purposes. For January, my financial goal include: creating a budget spreadsheet. My spiritual goal includes having a steady prayer life. Not going a day without saying something to the good Lord. My natural goals include getting back to blogging which I am obviously doing with this post (with more to come!!). Another one, to find a fitness class or join a gym which I am happy to announce that I have! Just joined a gym yesterday and I have a meeting with a trainer this Thursday!!. My last natural goal includes starting to study for the LSAT. Yes its official. Ima go and do it. I am tired of people keep asking am I a lawyer yet so..here we go 2021 month by month I’m taking you by storm!!
I can admit, when things don’t go my way like anyone, I get mad about it. Usually, my normal reaction is to automatically retreat. To cut people off without mention. I felt like I had the upper hand, control over getting my feelings hurt. In some cases, I would do so just to have someone chase me down. Especially men. Being “chased” made me feel wanted and loved. Why? don’t ask cause I’m still tryna figure that part out. I always been told how childish this was but I had to see it for myself. I had to realize that it was childish and that there was a better way of handling those feelings of being hurt or mad about someone doing or saying something to me. I am in control of my own actions. I dont have to do what others do to me. I can just forgive and literally forget. Forget meaning not letting it dictate how I behave. I honestly now catch myself before shutting down. I face what it is and internalize how to handle it before auntomatically going off the deep end. Now dont get me wrong, this IS A PROCESS so I do go back and forth with it in my mind or even when I vent about it BUT now I go back and forth instead of automatocally reacting..does that make sense? Geez I hope so lol. I am also trying to learn to give more mercy. Give others when appropriate the benefit of the doubt. I say ” when appropriate” because there are instance where you just have to retreat from toxic situations that dont mean you love people any less but….yeah. I am facing my issues…my music. I have a ways to go especially in the communucation front but its starting. Here
Good morning..how are we? Another week down more to look forward to. This morning I woke up early, decided to only have coffee and to pray. Alot has been going on inside of me and I just needed to talk to God this morning. Telling him all about my problems, telling on people AND ON MY OWN SELF. I needed to pray because through the week with work and just being drained you do get lazy at putting in that one on one time so, on my knees I went. After which, I got up and I said I was going to take my trash out this morning..this turned into me taking a walk around my neighborhood. Its beautiful out today. Thinking, reflecting, trying to reevaluate the goals I have set for myself..setting new ones ..I am now more motivated than I was before I went on knees to pray. Prayer does so much yall you get up with more strength and motivation to go on. It works! Its no form or fashion. I was candid with God…not rude or disrespectful but it wasnt alot of the normal religious terminology used honey I had to get straight to it. God honors us being upfront and honest with him. He’s there to make us perfect he already knows we’re not. I am thankful this morning as I return to my abode. Eager to set goals, weekly routines etc. Try it. Pray and just tell God where you are right now whether its good or horribly bad. Ask for his help. Let him know you cant do it alone cause its the truth. We fail everytime when we try to handle or fix things ourselves. Ask him to fix it. Ask him to help you to LET HIM fix it. In any relationship including with God honesty is the best policy.!! Try and see!!..
Like comment and subscribe!!
I hope this letter finds and does you well. You have been through alot these past couple of weeks. Alot has been going through your mind. You may feel like you fell off the wagon, that it seems like you can’t get back on track, that you’re so lost that God wont find or help you but I want you to know that there’s NOTHING you can’t do UNLESS you choose not to do it. Satan is lying when he makes you think those things! God has made you strong to bear it. He will make you stronger to get through it. All you need is the mind to get it together and its on! You know this! You ARE enough, you are loved, you are good, you are stronger than you give yourself credit to be. You have came a very long way and the best is yet to come. Don’t worry about the would’ve should’ve could’ve’s. You woke up today with the chance to do better. Don’t be afraid because of whats happening around you. Don’t get it twisted. God got you. Lean on him. He hasn’t left you. He’s there waiting on you sis. Let him do the work in you. Stop trying to control how he does it. Dont overthink it. its so simple even though it seems so complicated. Don’t give up or in. Dont worry about what others have that you may not have…. YET. God is all you need at end. He is your strength ! Press on sis, you got this… Ready? Reset ….Lets Go!!!
Your biggest fan
My head is down, But I know he is still around. When storms roar at it’s best. When everyone’s being a pest. I don’t need to make a sound. I know he is still around. He hears my heart. He has his way of putting together whatever has been torn apart. He is still around. I am victory bound. This is hard to keep in mind, especially when your feelings convince you that peace is hard to find. Nevertheless he still is around. He catches me right before it all hits the ground. I love him for that. His strength keeps me that’s a fact. I don’t have to look far, all I have to do is say his name. JESUS is able to help us win against satan’s games. I sit here once again reassured, I am not alone in this, He is still around and will forever exist.
Here lately I have honestly been distant on purpose. Over the past couple of years, I have found myself being separated from people: exes, friends, family, associates for whatever reason. Initially, of course it wasn’t what I was ready for, it sucked lol. As time went on though (here recently) I am now starting to see this space of singleness as something that I truly needed. For the most part I am calm and at peace. I am not sure if I have grown cold ( I hope not) but I honestly haven’t been concerned with whose with me or not with me. Who is speaking to me or who isn’t speaking to me. Who supports me and who doesn’t. Whose a friend, whose not a friend. I have learned to see and treat those simply according to who they show themselves to be to me. Of course there is a balance to everything, so just because someone treats me in a way I don’t like, I can’t hate them, stay mad, or guard myself against other people who want to be in my life(saith the Lord) so, I am also learning how to start making space for new opportunities lol letting those who make effort in.
There were times where being single has gotten to me. As women, we have a mental biological clock that starts to go off making us begin to think no!….WORRY about having children “in time”, getting married “in time”..heck having the “American Dream”. It doesn’t help either when you have family members steady asking “well when….” and “why don’t you..” at every function lol. I am also learning too that my choices, or my life does not need to be explained, I keep trying to keep that in mind..it’s MY LIFE that GOD gave ME. He is the AUTHOR OF TIME and what is mine WILL BE MINE Amen? Amen. This time alone has shown me so much so far. I am learning more and more about myself that I probably wouldn’t know if the same people were still in my space. I am able to think, internalize, and process choices and myself as a woman. I don’t think I am better than anyone but I have come to realize how dope I am. That I am deserving and worth it. A lot of times we are so focused on what is wrong with us, what we still need to conquer and work on that we miss the positive, how far we have come, what HAS CHANGED. I have said this repeatedly on previous posts because it’s very important to see yourself, love on yourself, and motivate yourself. Y’all, I am my biggest fan. I pump myself up to the point that if you didn’t know me, you would probably think I am conceited lol. There’s so much that I love about myself: My laugh, My eyes, cheek bones, smile and lips…basically my face honey. How my energy brings joy to people. How people actually enjoy my company. How transparent I am, my great work ethic..shoot how thick my hair is lol…how independent I am ( wait, I know my place as a woman so try me not! lol) even how more giving I have become this year..anyone who know me KNOW I CAN BE a tad tight lol.
I say all of this to say that if you are reading and you find yourself in a time where you feel alone.. people have walked away from you or vice versa..or you just find yourself in a space where it’s just you.. take advantage of this time. Pray and seek God and ask for answers about you. Tell him what you know you need to work on, how hard it is to do that. Be honest about it. Get to know yourself for you. Go online and look up some “get to know yourself” type of questions and just as a fun activity answer them. Love on yourself. Find something you like to do by trying new things. Let go and let God work on you to become a better you. Give him time ( i’m talking to myself here too) to perform the work in you. I am not at the finish line but I love where this season is taking me! God Bless!
I’m not perfect. this isn’t an excuse or a crutch. It’s my new reality.
My reactions aren’t what they should be initially, but no matter what I make it right at the end of the day whether right or wrong.
My patience …what patience? I’m still working on that #praymystrength
My scars… literally and emotionally are still here, but oh I always know I will end up being okay, its coming. they won’t be here forever.
I can be sensitive..things easily can get to me but I never give up, no one can change what I believe PERIODT. I keep enduring the best way I know how.
Okay Quanay what’s this?…..Sometimes as christians especially those who come from very religious foundations, we tend to put too much pressure on ourselves to be this …person that crosses every T thrown at them, that never falls or makes a mistake and if you do, you try your best make sure NO ONE KNOWS. Now, although there are somethings that ….you know…shouldn’t…….be…right! we as humans are gonna make mistakes.We will have moments of falling into low places. We have flaws. If we didn’t then, what is this even about then? why did Jesus even have to come? what is faith really about then?? he knew we couldn’t be perfect especially on OUR OWN. We are made “perfect” (the ability to make the effort to do the right thing) through our imperfections…meaning that if we come to God through Jesus Christ admitting our faults, our flaws, what we know we need help with changing HE IS ABLE to produce that change. Change doesn’t come over night. So, I am okay with being flawed I am even okay with being transparent enough to admit those flaws however, I plan on continuing to work on the things that I need to change for the better and realizing that its okay, its a process we have to trust the process but not use that as a excuse to be doing whatever whenever. Also celebrate the changes you have made! don’t boast now, but be grateful for what God is doing. I see what he is doing for me…I see little things changing that probably will eventually create a whole new image of myself which I do look forward to.As I said before, it’s a constant fight but the good thing is …you’re not fighting alone.
In the dark.
Sometimes it’s just a feeling.Whether it stems from regret, the cares of everyday life, or even just out of a whirlwind of random emotions regardless….
In the dark.
It can be so confusing. My dad often reminds me that as people particularly as women, we can be overly emotional. I must admit this past week I just been in that “whirlwind of random emotions” (thanks PMS). It was one thought that led to multiple and before I knew it I became very emotional. Perhaps too emotional, in my feelings over things that now, I’m like “really?”. For me, I sometimes struggle with comparing myself to others. I see what others seem to have and it makes me question “what about me?”. I honestly have been doing fine in this area but something triggered it and PMS didn’t help. PMS is not an excuse in my opinion it just amplifies what’s already there so now what?
In the dark.
What do you do when for a moment or should I say in moments you’re clouded with a bunch of emotions that just take you to a whole other place that’s no good?
In the dark.
It’s not easy to see through the heaviness that somethings bring. Although you literally aren’t blind, sometimes your mind is filled with so much you don’t know if you’re going or coming.
In the dark.
But something inside just won’t let me stay in that mindset though. My faith out of no where tells me this isn’t it. This isn’t my destination.. I am in the middle of a marathon. MY marathon. I am aware that I exist as a human in living flesh with feelings but I can’t let it get the best of me. I aim to keep in mind that yesterday was yesterday. God gives us another day… a new opportunity to change our narrative with HIS HELP. All we can do is the best we can when we are given a chance every day we wake up. So, as I sit up..fitting to fix my ginger root tea, I am urging myself as I am writing this and anyone who reads this and identifies with the similar issues I have to just don’t give up on God and yourself. We are much stronger than we give ourselves credit to be especially with God on our sides. With him we can get through whatever we may be going through regardless of what it looks or feels like. It’s obvious that I have learned to encourage the heck out of myself. Even in times like this week where I was all over the place in my mind. I am encouraged to continue on in my journey to finish what I started My Marathon.