Of power, of love, and of a sound mind

This week has been a week. I call myself trying to workout from home. The youtube video I chose CLAIMED that it was for beginners but I beg to differ, left me with thighs feeling as tight as a pickle jar top so, I decided to just go for a walk twice a week lol. In my mind I have also fought off fears of what is to come, doubts of living up to the “height of being a true christian”, and even frustrations of things not going my way. I felt inadequate, that I just couldn’t deal. I had in mind just to huddle up to myself in my room…close my black out curtains and turn my phone off ..just isolate myself and throw a good ole pity party but then I just got up and started moving. That quick my mind shifted, I forgot what I went to do but just doing something took my mind away from the negative thoughts that were parading in my head..I believe I eventually went to pray which as always helped even more. I looked up at my sticky note that read ” God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power of love and of a sound mind” and I realized that this race is an everyday fight. It’s a war full of battles won and sometimes lost. Regardless of what flaws, mistakes or shortcomings we fall into, we have to get ourselves together and keep going. Me? I tend to beat myself up from time to time not giving myself enough credit. I’ m obviously a threat if satan is tryna keep me down with lies of doubts, fears and frustration. I am a force to be reckon with even in the midst of my trials and hardships #savage. I say don’t stay down forever. Know God for who he has been IN YOUR LIFE .Try to pick yourself up as fast as you can, it’s not about feeling low cause that happens IT’S LIFE ..the key is not staying in that low place. Satan has a way of trying to make us believe that we are nothing, that we aren’t made of the good stuff to endure enough to see our expected ends. He’s quite creative i’ll give him that but its temporal because of the power, of the love and of the sound mind God has given us. We can declare how things go, we can tell satan and his lies where to go and how to get there. We can keep in mind that God loves us regardless of the mistakes we make or have made and we can take back our peace! y’all the truth sets us free. Once you realize that you don’t have to keep sitting and taking whatever satan throws at you including the kitchen sink, you’ll start to fight, you’ll understand that you too are a force to be reckon with. Reintroduce yourself, you are more than a conquerer.


For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

When the wait becomes a weight

As a child, I can remember waiting FOREVER on my dad to come pick me up on the weekends. I literally would have my bags right beside me looking out the window… jumping up when I thought I heard a car pull up in my driveway made of stones. Funny thing was he would end up coming when I would find something else to do hence why at present day, we debate on why I was never ready when he finally came lol smh. I have found myself waiting on prayers to be answered, prophesies to come into fruition, my season etc. If I can be honest, waiting isn’t my favorite thing to do. I’m apart of a microwave generation that just wants it now! I feel like I been through enough struggle to appreciate everything I have so why should I have to wait while everyone else is getting theirs right? WRONG SIS. At my old church, I often heard the saying “you wait wrong you wait long”. I kinda knew what they were trying to say but of course experience sometimes is the best teacher. There were things that I did that made waiting worse, made me become resentful, full of doubt, even bitter at one point. First of all, I was paying too much attention to everyone else and what they had going on. I compared myself to others and I often felt like I was losing. It just seemed like everyone else was out here getting their careers, houses and families while I was struggling to stay above water. I felt so far behind, that I couldn’t keep up. Second, I was in no way preparing for what I was waiting on, sitting around waiting like I had the means to handle what I asked for whether it was spiritually or materialistically. This led to the final thing I did, I tried taking matters into my own hands which ……made things worse. I thought if maybe I tried to take a short cut and try to fix it all up my way, then I could get it sooner and wait less but…you can’t take the wheel away from God otherwise you’ll end up detouring. That’s what I learned. A) pray and leave your concerns at the altar, walk away believing its gonna happen when its time. B) understand that you have no control, all you can do is the best you can, stay positive and KNOW, keep in mind YOUR TIME IS COMING. C) stop looking at everyone else and focus on YOUR process, what’s for you sis is for you and what’s for them is for them. You are an individual for a reason, you have your own path. And finally, keep preparing for it, nothing moves Christ more than faith. Waiting isn’t meant to be a burden, a weight you carry on shoulders every day but more of a means to strengthen you. To show you how to endure, preparing you for the upcoming levels. Trust the process, the results will be worth so much more promise.


“All is fair in love and war”


The more my journey continues, the more my belief in Christ deepens. Today in prayer, I was praying for someone when the scripture (Isaiah 1:18) came about and I walked away from prayer with yet another nugget or should I say nuggets….one, we shouldn’t judge others because of what they have done REGARDLESS of how bad, disgusting, or morally degrading it is ESPECIALLY when now, they are trying to get it together which brings me to my next point that two, this thing with Christ is fair game, all are welcomed, forgiven, and loved. Someone who finds Christ today is entitled to what God has just like someone whose been saved for years. There’s nothing you could’ve ever done in the past that would revoke the privilege of being redeemed by Jesus Christ. Isaiah 1:18 describes sin to be as scarlet and of crimson. Both are shades of red but one is deeper than the other, one stains worse than the other but regardless, the scripture states that the red can be made as white as wool, and white as snow. Regardless of where your sin lies in the “spectrum of reds” it can be made white.. isn’t that just amazing? I don’t know about y’all but I don’t have too many people who remain THAT loving and forgiving despite of the worst things I have said or done. To me it’s good to know that he is able to clean any and EVERYTHING about me. And you wanna know what makes his forgiveness infallibly kind? while everyone else is recalling everything you have done once Jesus forgives you, he doesn’t even know what everyone’s talking about !! lol crazy right? he literally forgives and forgets. This is only one of the many reasons why I am christian, yeah I was raised as such BUUUUT.. the older I am getting, the more I am seeing Jesus for myself by myself. I see why prayer is important, it’s not just about telling him what’s wrong or asking him for a favor but you get something out of it, you get up different than you were when you first kneeled down whether you feel stronger, relieved, or even enlightened. It’s personal, something no one can ever take away.

Come now, let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Isaiah 1:18 (KJV)

The Promissory Note

I always knew what I wanted to do with myself. On my list of priorities,  my career goal was part of the top 3 until the struggles of life pushed them down to the very bottom. The more life and it’s struggles intervened, the further away my goals and dreams drifted out of my focus. I just thought that maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. I even tried to make the best of where I am now, done substituted goals and was ready to just settle.I honestly wasn’t even thinking about my career goals until after bible study last night. We were talking about denying our flesh and having on the armor of God when my sister was like basically that we should occupy our minds with our goals. Ya’ll something clicked inside me. I got real emotional and it just made me realize that during this pandemic I could focus on trying AGAIN to go after my dream for the second time around, to prepare for my ultimate career goal: becoming a lawyer. I can prep for the LSAT while sitting here, I can start filling out law school applications, take a step towards what’s already mine. So after bible study y’all, that’s exactly what I started to do… my amazon cart is loaded with up to date prep books, I plan on registering for the LSAT test in October 2020 (when registration opens) and its go time. Mind y’all, I already been to law school but I wasn’t able to return (the curve was real) but you know what? that don’t even matter at this point it’s mine I don’t even care. I say this to say, that this time is perfect to reflect, to see what you truly want y’all, and start making plans so that when this pandemic is over with, we can start making serious moves. Keep trying, it’s not over until God says it’s over. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. So what, if it didn’t work out the first time..shoot even the second or third, it’s never too late. We don’t have to look at others lives and fantasize, it can be ours too!!. This sticky note is one of the things I say to myself every single day the good Lord allows. This sticky note is my “promissory note” promising myself that I will not allow any circumstance to interfere with what I want and what is mine. Life is short as we can see, why settle for what’s handed to us instead of going after our dreams making them our new reality?


Dear Lord, I been finding myself focused on what I can see, hear, and perhaps achieve, going after looks and trends that I see on social media and TV, forgetting that you allowed this pandemic to happen and not cease because you are displeased, finding any and everything to do instead of praying to you on my knees, I ask that you forgive me and redirect my focus, To abstain from worldly lusts and perhaps understand my true purpose, you are the bigger picture this I see, Help me to allow you to be my focus instead of making it be all about me Amen💜


Psalm of Mine

Being raised in a church can be a good thing, it can also come with some challenges too…

It’s a good thing because it’s your foundation…you are rooted, you can only go but so far until you HAVE to come back…not because someone told you to but because something deep inside tugs at you. You start to feel uncomfortable with where you are and how far you’ve wandered off . You know at the end of the day, it is right. It gets challenging however because if you’re not careful, you can become soooo religious, self righteous, only focusing on “doing this and not doing that”. It starts becoming more of a chore instead of a way of life, ending with you growing tired and curious of the other side.

We had bible study via FaceTime yesterday (#quarantinevibes) and it came up how getting a relationship with Christ doesn’t happen in a day. How we have to put in effort by praying and reading the bible even if it’s one verse, focus on applying that ONE verse to your life daily.

The last part of that sentence had me thinking…so tonight I turned both my TV and my phone OFF, and I sat and studied a scripture that meant so much to me( Psalms 73:25-26). It wasn’t until then, when I realized that religion says “do this and don’t do this” while a relationship with Christ explains why. This is a journey that comes with challenges but with a verse in mind, it can pull you through. I originally had a goal to read the whole bible this year but now my goal has changed. I no longer want to read the whole bible in its entirety, but I want what I read to stick. I want it to mean something to me. I want it to become something that I take and hide within me and refuse to let go. I want what I read to find me in my darkest moments and remind me that I can make it through every time.

This now has become a psalm of mine.


Just for me

For a moment, I thought that I couldn’t. I almost was convinced that I just shouldn’t. I figured I am too different which I’m supposed to be, it’s not about competition, however there’s only one me.

So how is it then, that it’s so easy to fall into insecurity, when nothing has happened that made achieving an impossibility?

It’s so easy to look at what everyone is doing and believe that you can’t do that same. In those moments you gotta fight aloud to quiet your doubts, because at the end you will be the one to blame.

Be confident in what you can do, we honestly won’t know until we try….after all, it’s only faith that can make our doubts a lie.

You can’t stop a bird from landing on your head. But you can keep it from building a nest

Dr, Martin Luther King Jr

Ready or Not, Here I come

Father in the name of Jesus,

I come casting down my heart to you, thanking you for seeing me through another day. For keeping me safe from dangers seen and unseen, for your grace and your mercy through all of my short comings and even my transgressions.

You ARE the king of kings, you ARE the Lord of Lords, you ARE my help in the present time of trouble, my way maker, my voice of reason and my strength like no other.

I come asking for forgiveness , for all sins by thought, word, or deed commission and by omission. I’m here confessing to you that I am no where near where I ought to be and that I need you to prepare me. I ask that you heal what’s broken in my heart, that you redirect my focus solely on you, take away all idols that I have put in place of you for they are NOTHING like you.

Give me strength and power during this time to seek you more than ever, not for show or fashion or to prove a point but only to please you. Give me the words to say to you when I pray to you Lord, I don’t want to just pray to say that I prayed but I want it to be pleasing to you.

Lord help me, for I cannot do this all on my own, but you Lord ARE able to do above all I may ask or think so I ask that you have mercy and that you change me oh Lord for your glory and nothing else.

I thank you for what you are already doing, For this wake up call with this pandemic I am ready or not, Lord I am coming after you

In Jesus name